Considering this blog is not private, and anyone who finds my name from someone's blog has the ability to read it, I will be very vague in my entries. Thinking about it now I should really just keep a notebook with all my thoughts...seems like a better and more fulfilling idea.
A lot has happened in the past month. I've been depressed since I came back to school, and it finally caught up with me last Sunday. Spending the night in a psychiatric ward was a little strange, but not as weird as the ward in "Girl, Interrupted" appears. (That movie is still on my mind, since I watched it last night.) Anyway I'm on my way to feeling better. I can't really say when I will start feeling like myself again. For now I'm just trying to live one day at a time.
I arrived back at school this past Thursday. A big part of me wanted to stay home for the rest of the semester, but I realized that I have to finish what I started. My parents (or at least my Mom) told to take it easy and it would be okay if I do not maintain my scholarship. I'm relieved my family is more understanding of my feelings and behavior, as well as my professor's understanding and extensions for assignments. I still do not feel motivated to do the work, but I know I have to buckle down and get it done.
Honestly though, I hope I do not stay on medication for long. I really hope I don't feel the same side effects as last time. Insomnia is enough. I realized how much work I have to do; not only for school but for myself. I know I can change my thoughts because I was able to only a few years ago in therapy. It's going to be tough, but I have to believe in myself that I can make it happen.
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