what is and what should never be

Why do parents try to control their kids when it draws them farther away? I really can't comprehend it. I am still reliant on my parents financially, but only for school and nothing else. If they can't deal with me living a few hours from home for a couple months, how are they going to handle 2 years half-way around the world? I want to be independent but because of my previous actions and thoughts that they knew too well I am restricted of what I can and cannot do. How is that fair?
I really shouldn't be so angry because it may work out. I'll have an answer by next week, hopefully. The wait might kill me.

love

today, i heard the earth breathing
heard the wind blow.
saw the trees sway.
felt completely at peace.

last night, i danced with my best friends to the best bluegrass i've ever heard.
dancing silly and barefoot and giggling at silly but beautiful people.
so many beautiful people.

i love where i am, i love my fiends, i love love.

“Courage consists in the power of self-recovery.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Considering this blog is not private, and anyone who finds my name from someone's blog has the ability to read it, I will be very vague in my entries. Thinking about it now I should really just keep a notebook with all my thoughts...seems like a better and more fulfilling idea.
A lot has happened in the past month. I've been depressed since I came back to school, and it finally caught up with me last Sunday. Spending the night in a psychiatric ward was a little strange, but not as weird as the ward in "Girl, Interrupted" appears. (That movie is still on my mind, since I watched it last night.) Anyway I'm on my way to feeling better. I can't really say when I will start feeling like myself again. For now I'm just trying to live one day at a time.
I arrived back at school this past Thursday. A big part of me wanted to stay home for the rest of the semester, but I realized that I have to finish what I started. My parents (or at least my Mom) told to take it easy and it would be okay if I do not maintain my scholarship. I'm relieved my family is more understanding of my feelings and behavior, as well as my professor's understanding and extensions for assignments. I still do not feel motivated to do the work, but I know I have to buckle down and get it done.
Honestly though, I hope I do not stay on medication for long. I really hope I don't feel the same side effects as last time. Insomnia is enough. I realized how much work I have to do; not only for school but for myself. I know I can change my thoughts because I was able to only a few years ago in therapy. It's going to be tough, but I have to believe in myself that I can make it happen.

hm

i don't know how i feel about a blog.
um.
i currently am living in vermont. green mountain is a great place and i hope to see and discover more of its beauty this semester. last semester was my first here at GMC. it was difficult and i hope i learn to handle my studies with more confidence. i need to prioritize but relax at the same time.
i had higher hopes for the semester a month ago. now i'm not so sure. i need to change how i perceive things again. i wish i hadn't lost that skill.
alas, it is a new year. it shall be a great one. i need to make things happen this year, besides keeping up my gpa.
i need to head over to the library soon.